Homers words of wisdom.

Sisyphus · Posted: Fri Feb 09, 2007 6:36 pm Post subject: Homers words of wisdom.

Ah, beer. The cause of and the solution to all of life's problems.

Who are you? Why am I here? I want answers now or I want them eventually!

Because they're stupid, that's why. That's why everybody does everything!

That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college!

You know those balls that they put on car antennas so you can find them in the parking lot? Those should be on every car!

Marge, I'm going to miss you so much. And it's not just the sex! It's also the food preparation.

When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces, I just know they're about to jab me with something.

America's health care system is second only to Japan, Canada, Sweden, Great Britain, well...all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky stars we don't live in Paraguay!

It's like something out of that "twilighty" show about that zone.

Whenever Marge turns on one of her "non-violent" programs, I take a walk. I go to a bar, I pound a few, then I stumble home in the mood for love...

It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.

English? Who needs that? I'm never going to England!

Oh no! What have I done? I smashed open my little boy's piggy bank, and for what? A few measly cents, not even enough to buy one beer. Wait a minute, lemme count and make sure...not even close!

Or what? You'll release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouth and when they bark they shoot bees at you?

You're saying butt-kisser like it's a bad thing!

Well, let's just call them, uh, Mr. X and Mrs. Y. So anyway, Mr. X would say, 'Marge, if this doesn't get your motor running, my name isn't Homer J. Simpson.'

I know what you're saying, Bart. When I was young, I wanted an electric football machine more than anything else in the world, and my parents bought it for me, and it was the happiest day of my life. Well, goodnight!

Apu, you got any Skittle Brau? Never mind, just give me some Duff and a pack of Skittles.

You'll have to speak up, I'm wearing a towel.

Mmmmmm - 52 slices of American cheese.

Hey, I asked for ketchup - I'm eatin' salad here!

When I first heard that Marge was joining the police academy, I thought it would be fun and zany, you know like that movie... "Spaceballs". But instead it was dark and disturbing, like that movie "Police Academy".

I think Mr. Smithers picked me for my motivational skills. Everyone always says they have to work twice as hard when I'm around!

Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie, and one to listen.

Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand!

I'm trying to fix your mother's camera. Easy, easy - Hmmm. I think I need a bigger drill.

You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'.

Oh, everything's too damned expensive these days. Like this Bible. It cost 15 bucks! And talk about a preachy book! Everybody's a sinner! Except this guy.

Here's to alcohol - the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.

God bless those pagans.

Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time, just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow! Well, good night!

If you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now, quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers!

You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine.

Go ahead and play the blues if it'll make you happy.

I'm a white male, age 18 to 49. Everyone listens to me, no matter how dumb my suggestions are.

All right, let's not panic. I'll make the money by selling one of my livers. I can get by with one.

Woo hoo! 350 dollars! Now I can buy 70 transcripts of Nightline!

Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything. 14% of people know that.

You know boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like women. You just have to read the manual and press the right button.

I hope I didn't brain my damage!

We'll die together, like a father and son should.

Let us celebrate this agreement with the adding of chocolate to milk.

We're gonna get a new TV. Twenty-one inch screen, realistic flesh tones, and a little cart so we can wheel it into the dining room on holidays!

First you don't want me to get the pony, then you want me to take it back. Make up your mind!

Son, a woman is a lot like a... a refrigerator! They're about six feet tall, 300 pounds. They make ice, and... um... Oh, wait a minute. Actually, a woman is more like a beer.

Now what is a wedding? Well, Webster's dictionary describes a wedding as the process of removing weeds from one's garden.

Now, Marge, don't discourage the boy. Weaseling out of things is what separates us from the animals. Except the weasel.

You can't go wrong with cocktail weenies. They look as good as they taste. And they come in this delicious red sauce. It looks like ketchup, it tastes like ketchup, but brother, it ain't ketchup!

I saw this movie about a bus that had to SPEED around a city, keeping its SPEED over fifty, and if its SPEED dropped, it would explode! I think it was called "The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down."

I don't have to be careful, I've got a gun!

I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me, Superman!

Oh, they have Internet on computers now.

Marge I swear, I never thought that you would find out.

Shut up, brain, or I'll stab you with a Q-Tip!

I am so smart, I am so smart, S M R T, I mean S M A R T.

I'm not gonna lie to you, Marge. See ya soon!

Icon_laugh

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".... love thy neighbour as thyself." is the hardest thing I have ever done....

Sisyphus · Posted: Fri Feb 09, 2007 8:31 pm Post subject:

Nancy · Joined: 22 Jun 2006 Posts: 1097 Location: Illinois, U.S.A.

I used to watch it years ago, then lost interest.
Ever see King of the Hill? Now, that's a good one Icon_happythumbsup

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You O Lord are the potter, I am the clay,the work of Your hands.

Nancy · Joined: 22 Jun 2006 Posts: 1097 Location: Illinois, U.S.A.

Which one,Faith?
The Simpsons or King of the Hill? Icon_nixweiss

_________________
You O Lord are the potter, I am the clay,the work of Your hands.

bobbyc · Joined: 23 Sep 2006 Posts: 1367

I really enjoyed King Of The Hill but it got put on a such a late hour over here that its chances of taking off were severely restricted right from the start. Courtesy of my kids I have become quite fond of Futurama which is another Matt Groening show. South Park is just too juvenile even for me.

Sisyphus · Posted: Fri Feb 09, 2007 9:44 pm Post subject:

Sisyphus · Posted: Fri Feb 09, 2007 9:46 pm Post subject:

Bobby, South Park is terrible. It's infantile and crude. The worst one though was that Beavis and Butthead. How anyone could watch that is beyond me, totally moronic.

Futurama is good though, especially the robot, he cracks me up.....
_________________
".... love thy neighbour as thyself." is the hardest thing I have ever done....

bobbyc · Joined: 23 Sep 2006 Posts: 1367

I can safely say that I've never even accidentally stumbled across an episode of Beavis & Butthead. Protected or what? Icon_biggrin

My middle child made a Bender cushion for his Technology Textiles project to go with the Garfield one made by eldest child. No idea yet what the youngest will do when it's his turn next year.

Sisyphus · Posted: Fri Feb 09, 2007 9:52 pm Post subject:

bobbyc · Joined: 23 Sep 2006 Posts: 1367

If you use Yahoo for your emails you can select a Garfield cartoon as part of your homepage. Jim Davis' Garfield books is one of the things I regularly look out for whenever I trawl the charity shops. Another huge hit in our household is Gary Larsen's Far Side cartoons.

Nancy · Joined: 22 Jun 2006 Posts: 1097 Location: Illinois, U.S.A.

Sisyphus · Posted: Fri Feb 09, 2007 11:19 pm Post subject:

I have tapes of Foxworthy, I love the guy. His redneck one liners are superb. My wife and I have regular visits to CA so I am up to date with the strange ways of you colonials..... Icon_biggrin

_________________
".... love thy neighbour as thyself." is the hardest thing I have ever done....

Nancy · Joined: 22 Jun 2006 Posts: 1097 Location: Illinois, U.S.A.

And your thoughts on George Carlin??? Icon_thinking2

My all time favorite has to be Robin Williams as he's so quick with his wit Icon_happythumbsup

_________________
You O Lord are the potter, I am the clay,the work of Your hands.

Sisyphus · Posted: Fri Feb 09, 2007 11:43 pm Post subject:

Sisyphus · Posted: Sat Feb 10, 2007 7:23 am Post subject:

RV..??
_________________
".... love thy neighbour as thyself." is the hardest thing I have ever done....