Kids still say the darndest things!

Nancy · Joined: 22 Jun 2006 Posts: 1097 Location: Illinois, U.S.A.

Bible Stories by Kids. We all need a good laugh and these are enjoyable. A
book titled Little Wonders,by Mary Hollingsworth, has stories concerning
children.

This one was contributed by Todd and Jedd Hafer.

One of our favorite jobs has been leading junior church. We try to do more
than baby-sit our church's beloved little ankle-biters during their time in
our special junior church facility. We aim to give them a solid background
in biblical history. At the end of each year, we give them pencils and
paper and ask them to chronicle what they have learned.

This assignment never fails to elicit some intriguing responses. In case
you're a little foggy on your biblical history, let our junior church
students help you with this complete overview of the Bible, compiled from
their essays:

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but
God, darkness,and some gas.

The Bible says, "The Lord thy God is one," but I think He must be a lot
older than that. Anyway, God said, "Give me a light!" and someone did.
Then God made the world. He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were
naked, but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented
yet.

Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven
from the Garden of Eden. Not sure what they were driven in though,because
they didn't have cars.

Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was
Abel.

Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah, who
lived to be like a million
or something. One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good
guy, but one of his kids was kind of a ham. Noah built a large boat and
put his family and some animals on it. He asked some other people to join
him, but they said they would have to take a rain check.

After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his
brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some
pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports
coat.

Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton Heston.
Moses led the Israel
Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten
plagues on Pharaoh's people
These plagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable. God fed
the Israel Lights every day
with manicotti.

Then He gave them His top ten Commandments. These include don't lie,
cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your neighbor's bottom (the Bible uses a bad
word for bottom that I'm not supposed to say. But my Dad uses it sometimes
when he talks about the President). Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more:
Humor they father and they mother.

One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was the first Bible guy to use
spies. Joshua fought
the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town. After Joshua
came David. He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot. He had
a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My teacher
says he was wise, but that doesn't sound very wise to me.

After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets. One of these
was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed up on the
shore. There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don't
have to worry about them.

After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of the
New Testament. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. (I wish I had been born
in a barn, too, because my mom is always saying to
me, "Close the door! Were you born in a barn" It would be nice to say, "As
a matter of fact, I was.")

During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees
and the Republicans. Jesus
also had twelve opossums. The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so
evil that they named a
terrible vegetable after him. Jesus was a great man. He healed many
leopards and even preached to some Germans on the Mount. But the
Republicans and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the
Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead.

Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again. He went up
to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminum. His return is
foretold in the book of Revolution.
_________________
You O Lord are the potter, I am the clay,the work of Your hands.

Sisyphus · Posted: Sun Oct 07, 2007 8:17 pm Post subject:

Brilliant...... Icon_rotfl

_________________
".... love thy neighbour as thyself." is the hardest thing I have ever done....

Eddie c · Joined: 16 Sep 2006 Posts: 685 Location: Manchester

Very good....funny. Icon_happythumbsup

Eddie
_________________
One thing i do know.I was blind but now i see.

angel · Joined: 28 Jun 2006 Posts: 4751 Location: essex

Thanks Nancy, that was Lovely. Icon_happythumbsup

_________________
http://crying-out-loud.com/forum/YaBB.pl