The Blonde

Eddie c · Joined: 16 Sep 2006 Posts: 685 Location: Manchester

> THE PLANE IS ON ITS WAY TO HOUSTON WHEN A BLONDE
> IN ECONOMY CLASS GETS UP AND MOVES TO THE FIRST
> CLASS SECTION AND SITS DOWN.
>
> THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT WATCHES HER DO THIS AND ASKS
> TO SEE HER TICKET.
>
> SHE THEN TELLS THE BLONDE THAT SHE PAID FOR
> ECONOMY CLASS AND THAT SHE WILL HAVE TO SIT IN THE BACK.
>
> THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLOND, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M
> GOING TO HOUSTON AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."
>
> THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT GOES INTO THE COCKPIT AND
> TELLS THE PILOT AND THE CO-PILOT THAT THERE IS
> A BLONDE SITTING IN FIRST CLASS THAT BELONGS IN
> ECONOMY AND WON'T MOVE BACK TO HER SEAT.
>
> THE CO-PILOT GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND TRIES TO
> EXPLAIN THAT BECAUSE SHE ONLY PAID FOR ECONOMY SHE WILL HAVE TO
> LEAVE AND RETURN TO HER
> SEAT.
>
> THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL,I'M
> GOING TO HOUSTON AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."
>
> THE CO-PILOT TELLS THE PILOT THAT HE PROBABLY
> SHOULD HAVE THE POLICE WAITING WHEN THEY LAND TO
> ARREST THIS BLONDE WOMAN WHO WON'T LISTEN TO REASON.
>
> THE PILOT SAYS, "YOU SAY SHE IS A BLONDE? I'LL HANDLE
> THIS. I'M MARRIED TO A BLONDE. I SPEAK BLONDE."
>
> HE GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND WHISPERS IN HER EAR,
> AND SHE SAYS, "OH, I'M SORRY." AND SHE GETS UP AND GOES BACK TO HER
> SEAT IN ECONOMY.
>
> THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT AND CO-PILOT ARE AMAZED AND ASKED
> HIM WHAT HE SAID TO MAKE HER MOVE WITHOUT ANY FUSS.
>
> I TOLD HER, "FIRST CLASS ISN'T GOING TO HOUSTON

Icon_biggrin

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angel · Joined: 28 Jun 2006 Posts: 4751 Location: essex

Very funny Eddie, Icon_fing05

and true.
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Sisyphus · Posted: Sun Jul 22, 2007 5:45 pm Post subject:

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Eddie c · Joined: 16 Sep 2006 Posts: 685 Location: Manchester

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?"
The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????"

CAR TROUBLE

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died.
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburettor"
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

SPEEDING TICKET

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"

RIVER WALK

There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."

AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?
"Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde."
"I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken."

KNITTING

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"
"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"

BLONDE ON THE SUN

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"
The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"

IN A VACUUM

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

FINALLY..........

A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
"HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!"
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angel · Joined: 28 Jun 2006 Posts: 4751 Location: essex

Excellent Eddie. Icon_fing05

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Nancy · Joined: 22 Jun 2006 Posts: 1095 Location: Illinois, U.S.A.

Eddie, can you explain why it's the "blondes" who get those jokes?
As a brunette, I'm feeling rather slighted-lol! Icon_1087

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You O Lord are the potter, I am the clay,the work of Your hands.

Eddie c · Joined: 16 Sep 2006 Posts: 685 Location: Manchester

Dont ask me...im Irish
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One thing i do know.I was blind but now i see.

tangent · Joined: 28 May 2007 Posts: 31

We love to target someone who's different but jokes about Irishmen and Essex girl could be seen as racist, so blondes are an acceptable alternatives.

I rather liked Les Dawson's mother-in-law jokes.

Sisyphus · Posted: Fri Jul 27, 2007 7:18 pm Post subject:

There was a knock at the door, I knew it was the mother in law because all the mice were throwing themselves on the traps.

I saw six men kicking and punching the mother in law, My neighbour said 'Are you going to help' I said no six Should be enough!!!!!

I saw the mother in law Walking down the path so i jumped from behind the garage and shouted BOO! She said you nearly frightened me to death, so i shouted BOO! BOO! BOO!

My mother in law said 'one day i will dance on your grave' i said i hope you do, i will be buried at sea.

Les Dawson
_________________
".... love thy neighbour as thyself." is the hardest thing I have ever done....

Nancy · Joined: 22 Jun 2006 Posts: 1095 Location: Illinois, U.S.A.

I loved the last one Sisyphus!!!!! Icon_fing05

Wonder why there aren't any father-in-law jokes? Come to think of it, the blonde jokes are always female too....hmmm.....

And what does this tell us? Icon_thinking2

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You O Lord are the potter, I am the clay,the work of Your hands.

Camberwick Green · Posted: Wed Aug 01, 2007 6:40 pm Post subject:

bobbyc · Joined: 23 Sep 2006 Posts: 1324

Jokes that perpetuate an ethnic stereotype implying that every member of a specific grouping is thick and stupid are indeed offensive. At rock bottom what's the difference between making jokes about Irishmen and making jokes about people who wear glasses? Those who complain that "political correctness" is rearing its head could be said to be lacking in both tact and sensitivity. Surely that's not applicable to you is it Mr Green?

davelarge · Posted: Wed Aug 01, 2007 9:06 pm Post subject:

If the joke was about Afro-Caribbeans or Pakistanis it would almost certainly be widely accepted as racist.

Somehow, because the stereotype of the Irishman has white skin it isn't thought of as being in the same class.

davelarge
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Eddie c · Joined: 16 Sep 2006 Posts: 685 Location: Manchester

bobbyc · Joined: 23 Sep 2006 Posts: 1324

A joke based on perpetuating the stereotype of the "thick" Irishman. You make my point for me eddie.

Dave, why is it not racist (or less racist) if the target of the humour is whiteskinned rather than blackskinned? Would jokes about Teutonic efficiency be deemed non-racist just because Germans are almost exclusively white?