Important info for women

Eddie c · Joined: 16 Sep 2006 Posts: 685 Location: Manchester

Because I'm A Man....

Because I'm a man , when I lock my

keys in the car, I will fiddle with a

coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in.

Calling AAA is not an option.

I will win.

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Because I'm a man , when the car isn't running very well, I will pop

the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If

another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be

able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and

everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink a

couple of beers and break wind, as a form of holy communion.

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Because I'm a man, when I catch a

cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie

in bed and moan. You're a woman.

You never get as sick as I do, so for

you, this is no problem.

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Because I'm a man, I can be relied

upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I

cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For

all I know, these are the same thing.

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Because I'm a man, when one of our

appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite

evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair

person gets here and has to put it back together.

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Because I'm a man, I must hold the

television remote control in my hand

while I watch TV. If the thing has

been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it, though one

time I was able to survive by holding a calculator instead (applies to

engineers only)

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Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about.

The true answer is always either sex, cars, sex, sports or sex.

I have to make up something else when

you ask, so just don't ask.

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Because I'm a man, you don't have to

ask me if I liked the movie. Chances

are, if you're crying at the end of

it, I didn't . . and if you are

feeling amorous afterwards . . then I

will certainly at least remember the

name and recommend it to others.

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Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what

you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too.

Either pair of shoes is fine.

With the belt or without it, looks fine.

It does not make your butt look too big.

It was the pasta and potatoes and

margaritas that did that.

Your hair is fine. You look fine.

Can we just go now?

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Because I'm a man, and this is, after

all, the year 2007, I will share

equally in the housework. You just do

the laundry, the cooking, the

cleaning, the vacuuming, and the

dishes, and I'll do the rest. Like

wandering around in the garden with a

beer, wondering what to do.

______________________________________________________________

This has been a public service message for women to better understand

men.
_________________
One thing i do know.I was blind but now i see.

helena · Joined: 23 Mar 2007 Posts: 12

Brilliant, Eddie!

(PS jtheb liked it as well - he told me i just had to read it!)

crystal · Joined: 04 Apr 2007 Posts: 308

You missed a few out Eddie, like:

Because I am a man I do not have the ability to ask for directions even though I know it will take longer, unless I am driving a lorry or a van and can block the road. In that situation I will ask and wonder why people are hooting.

jtheb · Joined: 21 Jun 2006 Posts: 1451 Location: second childhood

One could say.
Because I am a man I find my money at the bottom of the bag before loading my bag in the supermarket.

Because I am a man I move my trolley to the side of the aisle before starting a long coversation with some one.

Seriously though I loved the posting. Icon_biggrin

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The effectiveness of a posting is inversely proportional to its length.
C.S.Craig

angel · Joined: 28 Jun 2006 Posts: 4751 Location: essex

Brav[ad]o

You are a softie and dont mean a word of it. Icon_hugginsmileys_753

Funny Tho. Icon_fing05

Elaine · Joined: 20 Jun 2006 Posts: 1712 Location: Derbyshire

_________________
God put me on this earth to do a number of things.
Right now I'm so far behind I'll live forever!!!!!

crystal · Joined: 04 Apr 2007 Posts: 308

I have heard a story of a group of four young men from Australia who decided to get their own back on a speed camera.
Three of them distracted the operator of the mobile camera whilst the fourth unscrewed the numberplate.
They then took the number plate attached it to their car and drove at speed past the camera 17 times.
The authorities then received 17 speeding tickets Icon_thats-funny

keepingthefaith · Guest

crystal · Joined: 04 Apr 2007 Posts: 308

I read this in Readers Digest

My neice Jaime came with me to the chiropractor. He had finished with my exam when his demanding wife stormed in. she gave him a long list of errands to do while he stood there meekly saying "Yes dear"
Later 11year old Jaime said "Interesting"
"What" I asked
"A chiropractor without a backbone"

angel · Joined: 28 Jun 2006 Posts: 4751 Location: essex

Both very Good Crystal Icon_fing05